Don't worry, I judge you

So, I work in this bookshop (well, more like help, it's my father's and he helps me get through college) and there are number of things that irritates me. Don't get me wrong, I believe I'm a very good shopkeeper. Very nice and kind, always smiling, will climb up the ladder for you a dozen times even if you don't buy anything after all and still smile at you and say good bye etc. Of course, I smile a little more, when you spend some money (or leave a tip for the smiling lady behind the cash-register) but never mind. The important thing is that I judge you. I put you in boxes, I judge your music and book tastes and I admire you or hate you for it (the same thing I would do if I actually knew you), I judge the way you treat your kids, whether you greet me or not... And I now have like a hit parade of "Nope" (which is what I'd love to say every time you do any of these things).

1. Greeting - I mean what is wrong with you? What is so difficult about saying a nice "Hello" when you enter a shop? I always do it (when I don't, it's because I'm advising another customer), so why can't you? The worst of you come in and ask straight forward. No "Hello" or "Please, could you". No, it's just "Do you have...?" or even worse "I want...". On the bright side, I enjoy greeting you really loudly - most of you actually feel ashamed and say "Good bye" when you're leaving.





2. "Just browsing" - Hey, it's fine, when this is your answer when I ask, if you are looking for anything specific or need help. But I usually don't ask that, because I hate the shop assistants chasing me around shop and asking me every five minutes if I want anything. But entering a shop with a "Hello, I'll just browse a little" or "I'm just looking" just pisses me of. I go shopping, you know. And I am "just browsing" a lot of times. And many times I buy something even though I didn't intend to. This sentence of yours implies that you just want to shuffle the books that I sorted that morning and stay in my shop until it stops raining/ your wife gets the shoes she wanted/ insert your excuse. And as I know there's no money coming out of your presence, it is hard for me to play nice.

 3. Dogs/ Spoilt kids running in the shop -  You can have them, but do NOT bring them to my shop (yeah, you heard me, it's my shop when it comes to this). I will put up with barking rats, screaming little monsters, even with books falling on the floor. But my other customers won't. And the truth is that I need those "other" customers. So I will politely ask your kids to stop doing... stuff. Then I will ask you. And if you don't even try calming them down or taking them out so you husband can look after them for a while, I will hate you for the rest of your stay.

4. "One minute before closing" visitors - "Oh we are lucky, they're still open". And then you stay for another half an hour, so I miss the bus. And in the end you don't buy anything. You don't even apologise for staying so long. Look, people, this is not a Star gate - that is where everything is solved in the last minute / second. You are not lucky for coming in, you are just being rude. It's fine if you've been there in the afternoon saying that you will stop by later for a specific book. You come, get it, pay for it and leave. That takes like two minutes, I'm OK with that. But you others, just don't. If the shop were yours, you would kick me out or lock me in. I'm good-mannered so I won't. I'll just hate you. And remember you forever.

 5. 80,- CZK? That is expensive. Can you give me a discount? - NO. The price of 80,- CZK is like 4$. This happens to be a used books shop. Which doesn't mean they are going to cost a dollar each. Some of them are actually first editions and/ or quite rare.  You can get 8 different editions of Robinson Crusoe, each one costs a different amount. On some books we get like 20% of the original price. On some it is 120%. But you have to realise, that the fact the book used to cost a dollar 40 years ago, doesn't mean we are ripping you off. Your salary has grown too and I didn't see you complaining about that. We have to pay rent, electricity (now that's expensive, as we use it for heating too) and the guy who owns it has a family to feed. And about the discount. It's not my shop, I don't set the prices. The discount I would give you would be paid from what I get. I earn like 3 $ per hour. So take the book or leave it.

6. "I have some old books for sale" - It is true we need you guys. If we want to sell, we have to buy first. But the thing is, there is a sign on the door that says "Owner on vacation, we don't make any purchases this week" or something like that. Still you come inside to ask. Fine. I will politely explain why we are not buying books (it's cuz I don't set the prices). The thing that bothers me is that you get angry then. I get it, you carried all the heavy books all the way from what's-that-place and now I am forcing you to take them back. But you could have called! I would have told you on the phone and we would be just fine. In case we can buy the books, you actually imagine you brought some rarities. Well, most of the time you just didn't. Most of the books people don't want to have in their houses are those we already have four times and the fact they are old doesn't change the fact we can't sell them, so sorry. And you also get mad at us because of the money. We are taking the risk of not selling the book and having to give it away for a quarter. We are not selling the books for you (so you could get all the money). We buy them from you and sell them again. You just can't get a 100,- CZK for a book that costs 130,- in a regular store.

7. Terrible taste -  Everybody can listen to and read what he wants, I know that very well. But every time you ask for "Helenka Vondrackova" LP or a nice harlequin-like book for female spinsters, I think about the scene in High Fidelity, when a customer asks Jack Black:
"Er, I'm looking for a record for my daughter, for her birthday. I Just Called To Say I Love You? Do you have it?"
"Yeah, we have it."
"Great, can I have it then?"
"No, no you can't."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's sentimental tacky crap, that's why not. Do we look like the kind of store that sells I Just Called To Say I Love You? Go to the mall."

No, you just can't have it, because you should not listen to it. Ever. The only reason for buying is to throw it away. Or, in case of a book, to burn it in a ritual. I always let you buy it, because this is a free country but the truth is I no longer value you, you just get a label "crappy books buyer". Of course, we sell these books, so I shouldn't judge, but we sell them only because you keep buying them! Man! I know this is a post-communist country, but can't we just move on? Accept new culture, new fashion, new, quality music? Did you know that most of the stuff Helena Vondrackova sings are actually terrible covers of songs that couldn't be published here for more than 30 years?! Like It's Raining Man, Killing Me Softly or Memory from Cats?

But I'm staying positive. Because amongst all these customers there are still nice people. Like recently one lady was so glad she found a book she's been looking for for ages, she said thank you like dozen times. And in the evening I was closing and I had to carry books from the box we have outside for stuff that we couldn't sell for a long time so we now practically give them away for like a quarter. And a girl asked if I want help with that. She was like 17, very pretty, and also smaller and thinner than me, so she probably wouldn't be much of assistance, but most of the men just pass me by and she asked. I refused, of course, but it made me smile. That is why I manage to smile at those I hate.